Patriots to Change Name; Will Become “Dodgers”

Earlier this blog reported that there was no evidence to verify the rumor that the Patriots would rename their team the Dodgers. Our sources have discovered that the team will indeed adopt the moniker of the West Coast baseballers.

Bill Belichick’s unprecedented shameless hush-up, after promising to explain himself, has left the New England franchise indelibly marked with the Dodger distinction. Just as Teflon became irrevocably attached to the name of Bill Clinton, so this other Bill has indelibly etched the character of dodging on his once-proud franchise.

Now, among many of the movers and shakers of New England, forgotten are the ill-gotten Lombardi trophies and rings. It has been rumored that Boston city fathers, embarrassed by the bald-faced deceit in the name of New England, let it be known that it was an insult to true patriots, living and dead, for the scandal-ridden team to represent this proud region of the country. “They need to change their name,” and unidentified Patriot fan said. (He could not be identified because of the paper bag over his head, a form of headwear seen all over New England in recent days.) Another bag-covered fan put it this way: “The way he has so adeptly dodged questions and his promises to answer questions … I mean, nobody has done it better … we’ve got to call the team the Dodgers.”

With Belichick’s dodging already legendary and people of influence suffering severe embarassment, the decision has been made to field a team (an embarrassed team) that will hitherto be known as the New England Dodgers. (No word if paper bags will be a part of the uniform.)

In other news, Los Angeles is considering a lawsuit against the erstwhile Patriots. “It’s an insult to our proud franchise,” said a source who asked not to be named. “Walter Alston and Tommy Lasorda would be ticked to be compared to B.B.”

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