Bill Belichick to Release New Book: “If I Did It”

Taking a cue from fellow NFLer O.J. Simpson, Bill Belichick has decided to end his silence on the exact nature and extent of his cheating. Embarrassed when the franchise changed the name of his team to the Dodgers, reflective of his adept dodging of any and all questions regarding his malfeasance, Belichick has agreed to end his silence on two conditions: (1) That he be able to write the information rather than face the music, and (2) that he be able to pretend he didn’t do it by using the word “if.”

Thus was born the second recent volume titled If I Did It.

In other news, a new investigation has been opened up to look into new allegations of wrong-doing with regard to “The Tuck.” Our sources tell us that it is possible that an unprecedented ruling could eventuate forcing the Patriot/Dodgers to forfeit entire seasons, a la prior high-profile NCAA rulings. But the likelihood of this is remote.


2 Responses to “Bill Belichick to Release New Book: “If I Did It””

  1. 1 OMAR September 20, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    Belichick reminds me of a guy I know who got busted by the police because of a bag of weed in his car. He felt relieved about the situation due to the bricks of weed in the truck that no one looked for.

    The Pats may have been filming, recording, and putting mics on their defenders, but I’m sure it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

    Your headline is great. I made an audible laughing sound.

  2. 2 yorel47 September 24, 2007 at 4:07 am

    Excellent point. I’m sure you are right. But I don’t believe the league has the will to pursue this.

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